everything lawyerish.....

this is a load of crap

Saturday, October 01, 2005

i am back with this blog.

a lot of things upset me. i mean i just want to come clean and be independent. stand on my own and be not limited with whatever it is that i feel i owe to many people.

surely i can cast away my burden, start anew. the problem is that at this point instead of lessening my responsibilities the reverse seems to happen, i end up with more fear, more burden, more ethical questions. i just hope and pray that what i am doing is right. for many years i feel like a driftwood, just ending up where the tides will bring me.

what makes you happy is the most important question. this is what dangat said. of course i also bewail the fact that the apparent loopsided grades given in favor of women. it is just devastating at times--however i just have to know my strong suits. downplay where i am saddled with inadequacy. let all things be, for in the end, all will be where it should be. that sounded fatalist. it is just who i am with my faith somewhat again hanging in balance. i sort of wish for many good things. i want to work so that i can finally get rid of my own shadows cavorting with lies.

i made decisions, and now i am willing to stand up. face the consequences. fuck.